Find out if you are saying more than you think you are

You need to be aware of your potential “secondary communication”.

This is when people assume or deduce something that you didn’t intend from what you say.

Secondary communication is what happens outside the actual words you say – from the impression you create to the multiple interpretations your words are open to.

An example

Let’s say you tell somebody that you’re paying for a friend to go on holiday. You may assume that they’ll think you’re a generous person, but the real secondary communication might be that the listener gains a negative impression of your friends. They may think you have friends who survive on handouts: not at all what you intended your communication to achieve.

The communication gap

Many communication problems come back to the “communication gap”; the difference between what you mean when you say something to someone and the meaning they take away. So why would this be any different? Why would there be a communication gap? Language is really the expression of how you feel about something. Emotions are generated when you have thoughts or experience things in the outside world. You then put together words to express those emotions and say what it is you want, think or need, etc. This all happens at a subconscious level, without the need to think about every word you are going to say. The gap comes about because different people use different phrases and words to explain their internal or emotional experiences. When you describe something to another person using specific words and phrases, those words and phrases might be different from how they themselves would describe that exact same experience. That means that no one else is likely to fully experience or process the language you use in exactly the same way as you. Add to this the fact that no one thinks exactly like you do.

We are all unique

We’ve all had different experiences and see the world and our place in it differently. We have varying beliefs and values. Your communication is based upon things that have happened, things that are happening or things that you want to happen in life. There is always internal processing and it is this that varies from person to person.